Dear Knight Crier Staff,

I’d like to start this letter by apologizing if it’s not in the best writing style, as I’m not a journalism or yearbook student. You might be wondering, then, why I was at Columbia University for that Knight Crier and Accolade field trip back in November. What I’m really wondering is why I’m still here. 

Mrs. Lawler and Mr. Manero must have been pretty pumped for the trip, because I was able to slip under their radar pretty easily. I figured, the field trip is free anyway, and if Mr. Manero thought I was an Accolade student and Mrs. Lawler assumed I was in Knight Crier, the Columbia trip would make for a pretty nice day off. I wasn’t wrong, but that day has turned into a good few months now. Apparently, slipping under Columbia’s radar was just as easy as sneaking onto the bus. 

I can’t be too surprised that the bus left without me, since my name wasn’t on the trip’s attendance sheet to begin with. I wasn’t planning on staying, but I’ve been able to make it by just fine. I guess my teachers haven’t been too on top of their class attendance, since my parents still haven’t gotten any letters sent home regarding my absence. For my unnoticed leave I also give my thanks to Canvas, which has allowed me to keep up with most of my assignments from my new campus. 

As for dorm space, the janitor’s closets have been more than welcoming. A pile of rags and mopheads has made for the perfect pillow, or at least it has ever since I got used to waking up with a cramped neck. Food hasn’t been an issue; this huge meatball sub I got at Milano Market was just about the size of my head, and it’s been able to hold me over pretty well, I’m still chipping away at it. 

What I’ve come to realize with all of this is, the millions of dollars of defunding Columbia is facing might not be too big of a loss once they realize their students can live as frugally as I have. Sleeping in a bed and eating out of a dining hall are overrated, I’ve found.

Though I intended to end up on the trip, my stay at Columbia is starting to feel a bit overwelcomed. I’m hoping that by sending this letter to have published, some people will finally realize I’m missing and a transportation situation could be worked out. Despite the fun I’ve had in New York, I’m starting to miss North Penn and all of it’s simple pleasures. The hustle and bustle of the city has nothing on E-Pod clog, and the dining experiences can’t even begin to compare to Cookie Corner. Hopefully my scheme of sneaking onto the trip can be cancelled out by the fact everyone forgot to come back for me. I’ll see you all soon.

Yours truly,

Lirpa Loof