Presidential politics is a strange thing.

As it turns out, it gets even stranger when consumerism is added.

As caucus and primary season quickly descends upon the country, I decided to take a look at a different side of the upcoming election: the candidate’s online stores on their official websites. A quick stroll through the online aisles of these “shops” reveals a lot about candidates, what’s important to them, and what their target demographic is. But perhaps more importantly, these shops have some of the most ridiculous items to ever be available for purchase online.

I started where everybody starts when they want to find something outlandish in politics today: www.donaldjtrump.com. Compared to the inane rhetoric Trump spins on a daily basis, his store is relatively tame. The most ridiculous thing he sells on his website is a pack of four 16 ounce “double wall insulted” red cups (you know the kind) emblazoned with “Trump 2016- Make America Great Again” on the side. For some reason, these four cups will cost you $23, which is probably how much money Trump has made in the time it will take you to read the last word of this sentence.

If you’re not really looking to spend that much on disposable cups, you can always buy a set of two Make America Great Again! Spirit Poms. These pom poms are red and white, making them look like they were ripped straight out of the hand of an extra in High School Musical. However, these aren’t just any pom poms— they say, what else, “Trump- Make America Great Again” on the handle.

After ten brain-cell erasing minutes spent on Trump’s site, I headed over to Hillary Clinton’s online shop next. Only two minutes into scrolling through her merchandise, I saw the word Hillary so many times it started to look like a meaningless jumble of letters.

For $15, you can buy a “Hillary” lapel pin, because nothing says “I’m hip” like a lapel pin. You can also spend the same $15 on an “H is for hydration” water bottle, even though in this case H is clearly for Hillary.

If you’re into puns, you can buy a “Grillary Clinton” spatula, which is just a normal spatula with the “H” arrow logo on the spatula part. At first, I questioned why anybody would spend $18 on a regular metal spatula, but then I realized that there was a bottle opener on the other end and suddenly the cost seemed justified. And if one pun isn’t enough for you, you can buy a can holder that says “more like Chillary Clinton, amirite?” We get it Hillary- you’re hip. I know this because earlier today I saw an interview with you on CNN in which you bragged about having Jon Bon Jovi as a friend and supporter. The kids love Jon Bon Jovi! Amirite Hil?

As I continued to poke around the other candidate’s pages, all the t-shirts and bumper stickers and phone cases started to run together. Most candidates only have one or two interesting things on their campaign shops. Former neurosurgeon Ben Carson has a bunch of faux-medical merchandise, including a t-shirt emblazoned with “I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more Carson.” Ted Cruz is selling a $10 “We ‘C’ Ted Cruz for President” coloring and activity book. Carly Fiorina is peddling a t-shirt with a picture of her husband and the words “First gentleman? I’ll go by Frank” (which he most certainly will go by when his wife is not elected President of the United States). Bernie Sanders’ store is pretty boring, which I surprised myself by being surprised by. However, for all the Jewish mothers out there, there’s a tote bag that has the words “Bernie’s schlep bag” on it.

The award for ugliest campaign merchandise goes, without a doubt, to Jeb Bush, who sells a #allinforjeb Christmas ornament that looks like a preschool arts and crafts project gone wrong in every primary color. Also, every single candidate has a large selection of pet gear to torture your cat or dog with.

And then there’s Rand Paul. For somebody who’s polling at 4% less than a week before the February 1st Iowa caucuses, Paul has, by far, the most impressive (and by impressive, I mean absolutely ridiculous) online campaign store of any candidate.

$250 will get you an autographed Rand Paul baseball, because, according to the item’s description, “[Paul] knocked the tax code out of the ballpark.” And if just a baseball isn’t good enough, there’s a Rand Paul autographed Riverbandits baseball jersey available for $1,000. For the same price, you can also get a Rand Paul signed copy of the Constitution, which is a thing for some reason.

If you don’t know what to get your significant other for Valentine’s Day, Paul has just the answer- a Rand Paul Liberty bear, which is a teddy bear that has Bluetooth built in. You can record messages on your phone for the bear to say, or just play music through your bear. Because nothing says “I love you” quite like a teddy bear wearing the shirt of a future failed presidential candidate.

Paul has an entire tab on his store that has four anti-Hillary items, including a “Hillary’s Hard Drive with Wiping Cloth,” priced at $60— down from the inexplicable price of $99.50. I mean, it’s literally just a cloth holder with Hillary Clinton’s picture on it and a “warning- heavy use” sticker.

And if negativity isn’t really your thing, you can spread your joy by buying your loved one a three foot tall Rand Paul birthday card- “with equally gigantic envelope.” But you’ll also need a gift to go with that card, which is where Rand on a Stick comes in.

“These Rand Paul freedom paddles are printed on sturdy corrugated plastic and are great for rallies, parades, meetings, operas, church services that lack air conditioning and so much more,” boasts Paul’s website. The day Rand Paul’s face shows up in the hands of old ladies at church is probably the same day that church installs air conditioning.

So grab your Rand sticks, Hillary spatulas, and Trump cups, because the election is about to become even more interesting. As candidates gain and lose support, your merchandise will forever be a memento of the election- or a ridiculous way to waste your money.