Is fantasy football just a game?

Every year, in late August and early September, just when the sun starts to set just a tad bit earlier and Office Max begins to run out of binders, half of America turns upside down for a fictional league that has people own the world’s best athletes and scream at their TVs and laptops when “their” players don’t get that extra two yards to make it 100 rushing yards instead of 98. For what? Money? Fame?

No. Pride. Intense, fiery, ever-existing, inhuman pride against their friends, families, and even strangers. This is where relationships are broken, friendships are tainted, promotions are held back, and marriages are ruined. People will stop talking to others because they claimed OBJ before them in the waivers. Couples will break up with each other because he traded Jeremy Maclin and Le’Veon Bell for Peyton Manning. Is it still a game to you?

We waste thousands of hours researching and reading and thinking about this dumb game that doesn’t even matter in real life. We actually pay people to tell us what they think we should do, just so that we can outscore our distant cousin’s team that hasn’t been touched in five weeks. We write stupid fantasy football articles that maybe three people (including my parents) will read instead of studying for an AP Gov test tomorrow. Why?

Because it is not a game anymore. This is lifestyle. This is real. This. Is. WAR.

Soldiers, load up your bullets because we are charging straight at our enemies. We will lose some of you, sure. We will make some of you cry. But for the rest of us, it’s a do-or-die, in it to win it situation. Nothing short of a championship is acceptable, no matter how much (or how little) money or prize is involved. It’s about pride. Time to play the GAME!

QBs I LOVE

Tom Brady, New England: Guess who’s back, back, back, back again, gain, gain? It’s everyone’s favorite Terrific Tom, and he should be in your starting lineup if you were gutsy enough to draft him. While the Patriots receiving core is not exactly the collection of world-beaters, Brady did fine with almost the same weapons around him, so they will have better chemistry. If not, there is always GRONK. The Steelers allowed sixth-most passing yards per game and fourth-most touchdowns in the air. This isn’t the Steel Curtain defense anymore.

Ryan Tannehill, Miami: The man I hope (and pray) that will break out this season. While his offensive line is more offensive to its own quarterback than the opponent, Tannehill has played with players of similar quality his whole career. While his protection might not be the best, he has an improved crop of receivers in Jordan Cameron and Davante Parker. Throw in the fact that he’s playing against the Redskins, who have what is possibly the worst secondary in the league, and he will look like the reincarnation of Dan Marino this week.

Matthew Stafford, Detroit: He seems to be the forgotten man, and for a good reason. He hasn’t been able to take that step to the next level and now he’s a QB2 in most leagues. But this week, I see him putting up some big numbers against the same Chargers team that picked off only seven passes the whole season. Listen, we all know about his inconsistency and tendency to throw off his back foot, blah blah blah… This won’t matter when the opponents are dropping passes. He is capable of putting up big numbers time to time, and just letting you know, my spidey senses are tingling.

Josh McCown, Cleveland: As soon as the season schedule came out, I was excited. Maybe, just maybe, I can actually justify putting Johnny Football in my column this year!! That would be great! Who doesn’t love little bit of Manziel in their lives? But no. The boring Browns decided to go with boring McCown to start their boring season in their boring uniform with their boring logo. Anyone else yawning? Nonetheless, Cleveland is facing the New York Jets that has a 31/6 TD-to-INT ratio. Especially with the muddled backfield that has no clear RB1, McCown will have to throw, and throw he will.

RBs I LOVE

Jeremy Hill, Cincinnati: If you are scared that Gio Bernard is going to take touches away from Jeremy Hill, just look at last season after Bernard’s 137-yard, one-touchdown breakout game. He never topped fifty yards again for the rest of the season and got stuck in the purgatory of handcuff world while Hill broke out with a 154-yard, two-touchdown game against Jacksonville and never looked back. Oakland gave up third-most TDs to their opposing running backs, and there is no way Gio is getting goal line touches over the incumbent starter.

Latavius Murray, Oakland: On the flip side from Hill, we have a rookie by the name of Latavius Murray. Last year, the only standout rookie back was, guess who, Jeremy Hill! And he didn’t even make an impact before halfway through the season. So do I have my doubts over rookies? Of course, as anyone should. Do I think Murray will be an instant star in the league? No, but he will reach the stardom one day. So why am I going with an unexperienced running back with a team that just drafted Amari Cooper and signed Michael Crabtree? Because why would they let Derrek Car, a talented, yet unproven player, throw against the Bengals, who had one of the most stingy pass defense last year? Quantity > Quality.

Lamar Miller, Miami: Now heading into his fourth season and the prime of his career, this speedy back from the University of Miami is always a great option if you are looking for an explosive player to perform on a weekly basis. Having the best season of his career last year, he is poised for an even better performance in the year to come, and no better way to start this hopeful 2015/16 campaign than playing against the lackluster Washington Redskins defense. Look for the twenty four year old Miller to use his speed to explode out of the backfield for some large gains this week.

Carlos Hyde, San Francisco: One of the biggest disappointments in the league last year was Carlos Hyde, who was thought to replace old and boring Frank Gore and run with the starting gig, but instead fell to obscurity along with many other hyped-up rookies. With Gore gone now to Indianapolis and no competition in sight, it is now Hyde’s job to lose, not win. While the Vikings had a decent run defense last year, loss of Jared Allen is huge. What are they going to do, let Kaepernick throw it?!

Doug Martin, Tampa Bay: Is he back? He is now the No. 1 back, but can he hang on to it with the likes of Bobby Rainey chopping at his heels? Will he justify his Muscle Hamster nickname? Find out next week on “Walking Dead.” No, but seriously, after he has spent a year taking a break, I believe Martin will be back to his bangin’ and bruisin’, guts and grits style of football and find success against the Tennessee defense that allowed second-most rushing yard and third-most rushing TD.

WRs I LOVE

Jordan Matthews and Nelson Agholar, Philadephia: What a tandem! I mean, it’s hard not to like any offensive piece from Philadelphia, but these two may be one of the best young receiver corps in the league. While there are tons of great RBs in the team, the Falcons secondary is the most ineffective and clanky one in the league, as they allowed the most receiving yards in the league. Besides, Chip Kelly would be itching to prove to the people that Sam Bradford is actually good, thanks to him and his big ego. What better opponent than Atlanta?

Emmanuel Sanders, Denver: Let me get this straight: Sanders will never be a red-zone threat. But that’s ok, since Peyton Manning seems to like him and he gets plenty of yards, which is perfect for the matchup against Baltimore. While they don’t allow too many passing TDs, the Ravens give up tons of yards in the air, as they rank fifth in receiving yards allowed last season. Yes, CJ Anderson broke out as a top-10 back last year, but he still has question marks, and why would anyone go against Peyton Manning?

Jarvis Landry, Miami: See Tannehill, Ryan. Washington secondary = start your receivers!

Kendall Wright, Tennessee: The Tennessee Titans receivers have been teasing with a breakout season, but that has been yet to be true. Kendall Wright has been on my fantasy football team for last few years, and I have been let down time and time again. Marcus Mariota is not the most reliable quarterback, but he is still a NFL-level quarterback. Tampa Bay gives up yards in the air for fun. Surely he can’t miss his best weapon against the team that allowed 268 receiving yards per game?

Doug Baldwin, Seattle: Soooo… there is this new guy in town. What’s his name, Jimmy Graham?  The team is trending from Marshawn Lynch’s team to Russell Wilson’s team (remember the Super Bowl?), and that was evident when they traded their best OL for another Wilson’s toy. While he may not be the No. 1 option in the team, Baldwin is still the best receiver in the team. St. Louis pass defense is mediocre at best, and Week 1 will set the tone for how the team is going to operate for the rest of the season.

TEs I LOVE

Jordan Cameron, Miami: A THIRD Miami player on the list?! Kee, I think you’re getting lazy… Here me out. Ryan Tannehill, as improved as he is, still can not consistently throw deep balls. What does that mean? Lots of dump-offs. That means targets for Jordan Cameron, who is a significant upgrade from Charles Clay. If he can shake off the injury bug, Cameron could be a steal of the season.

Kyle Rudolph, Minnesota: Normally, Rudolph would not be a top-5 player, but there is a chance he can crack the list. The 49ers had lots of off-field issues, and their team, especially the defense, is uncertain at best. I’m very high on Teddy Bridgewater but Adrian Peterson, as talented as he is, is still a question mark, Rudolph is a big target against a team that allowed 29 TDs in the air last season. He’ll find the endzone. I guarantee it.

Josh Hill, New Orleans: Who is this scrub? Why, he is Jimmy Graham’s understudy! Is he going to be the next Jimmy Graham? No. Not at all. Not close. Will he do a good enough job to justify a spot in your roster? Probably. Arizona defense is always scary, but they have actually struggled against opposing TEs, as they allowed fifth-most points against the position.

Defenses I LOVE

Carolina D/ST: Two words: Jacksonville. Jaguars.

Kansas City D/ST: Do you know who Houston is starting under center? Brian. Hoyer. Yes, that Brian Hoyer who couldn’t hold the starting gig at CLEVELAND. If any Texan not named DeAndre Hopkins scores, it will be a miracle.

QBs I HATE

Phillip Rivers, San Diego: Let’s bring it back to three years ago… Rivers was one of the most highly touted QB, as he was one of the most reliable signal callers in the league. What happened? He was rushed, he threw off his back foot, and he gave away tons of possessions. Now, any QB will throw an interception in their career, but Rivers still had tendencies to make poor, rushed judgments and threw risky passes. While forcing 42 sacks last season, Detroit defense also picked off opposing quarterbacks 20 times, good for third in the league. Especially without Antonio Gates, Rivers will have hard time finding time to hit his targets.

Teddy Bridgewater, Minnesota: Any quarterback on a team with AP is going to find it difficult to accrue significant points, especially if it is a young developing quarterback like Bridgwater and Adrian Peterson is coming off a year where he was suspended for the length of the season. With the superstar Peterson making up much of the offense and the lack of passing targets from Minnesota, Teddy Bridgewater is not the quarterback you are looking for.

Derek Carr, Oakland: Even with the addition of the hopeful face of the franchise Amari Cooper and signing of veteran Michael Crabtree, this does not solve all of Oakland’s offensive problems. Their line could be an issue and this is only his second year in the league and still needs to develop while he’s on a lackluster team.

RBs I HATE

Melvin Gordon, San Diego: Did I tell you that I hate rookie running backs? I think I did. Gordon is talented, don’t get me wrong, but once again he’s a rookie. Do you really think a rookie is going to take over Rivers’s team? I just do not like San Diego offense this week. Yes, Detroit lost Ndamukong Suh, but a good defense isn’t a good defense because of one player. It’s a team effort. Throw in the fact that the Lions allowed the least rushing yards all season last year, it’s a big no-no for the newest Bolt.

Mark Ingram, New Orleans: Raise your hand if you want to play Arizona (unless you’re a TE). That’s what I thought. One of the toughest defenses in the league, the Cardinals were actually middle-of-the-pact in rush defense. So why is Mark Ingram on the list? Because the presence of Khiry Robinson and CJ Spiller still scares me. Mark Ingram will supposedly a three-down back, but with the carries more than likely to be shared around, Ingram will need to score touchdowns, and one thing Arizona is good at on the ground is preventing TDs.

Tre Mason, St. Louis: Don’t get cute here. Todd Gurley is out for first few weeks, so you think sneaking Mason in your lineup because he’ll get touches is a good idea? Young Padawan, you still have long ways to go. St. Louis offense isn’t exactly explosive, and they will most likely be down early and down big against last years’ AFC Champions, Seattle. So what will they do? Throw! That’s the only way for them to get back in the game. Seattle has the best rush defense in the league by far, and throw in the fact that they forced most fumbles last year, it’s going to be a tough day at the office for Tre.

Any Cleveland RB: Well most fantasy football followers know how poor Cleveland running backs do for us in fantasy and it looks like it’s going to stay that way for at least the first week, but with the addition of rookie running back Duke Johnson, who looks to become the starting back for the Browns in weeks to come, things could start changing for the Browns who actually had the second most redzone rushing touchdowns behind the patriots. For Week One, though, still keep your browns on the bench while Duke recovers from his concussion.

WRs I HATE

DeAndre Hopkins, Houston: Earlier, I said it would be miracle if anyone other than Hopkins scored for Houston. I take that back. It would take a valiant effort for the Texans to find the end zone AT ALL. Kansas City has allowed second least yards in the air and most importantly, they don’t give up big plays. Their average yards per attempt stands at 6.4 yards which is good for third-best in the league, and the longest passing play they allowed all season was 48 yards. With the big plays unlikely to happen, it limits Hopkins’s value.

Steve Smith, Baltimore: Although Steve Smith is an elite player on a great offense with a gunslinging quarterback, he would not be a great choice to start for you in week one due to the significant number of targets that the Ravens have on offense. With four to five wide receivers, two tight ends and Justin Forsett, Joe Flacco has plenty of options to get the ball in the endzone, which seems great for the team, but doesn’t translate well for fantasy owners trying to get the most out of players.

Victor Cruz, New York: This isn’t 2012 anymore, people. Wake up! Victor Cruz is no longer even the second option in the team. Time to say goodbye to the salsa dance. Sigh.

TEs I HATE

Zach Ertz, Philadelphia: The eagles now have an Elite running back core and Matthews and Agholor, led by Sam Bradford. When you think of the Eagles, one of the names that does not come to mind is Ertz. He won’t have too many targets and his red zone targets will be limited as well because of the Eagles three running backs.

Dwayne Allen, Indianapolis: The Bills allowed only two touchdowns to opposing tight ends, and Luck has more toys to play with. Yes, he is a red zone target, but so are Andre Johnson and Coby Fleener.

Defenses I HATE

Buffalo D/ST: You might have heard of this guy named Andrew Luck.. and he’s pretty good. I don’t care how good they are. You can never have one defense the entire season. Streaming defenses (like Carolina or New York this week) is the answer people!

Philadelphia D/ST: With this new explosive offense, led by Bradford and Murray, the Eagles are poised for a deep postseason run. But while they are a team that has the ability to put up big points this season, preventing points will also be their biggest issue. Even with the additions to Byron Maxwell and Kiko Alonso, that might not be enough to stop Matty Ice and company as they head to Atlanta for week one Monday night football.