The news cycle’s been awful this week. But I’m proud to say that I’ve finally managed to unearth a piece of (mostly) non-political absurdity:

According to Ecuador, Julian Assange is a terrible houseguest.

The Wikileaks founder/prolific whistleblower/wanted fugitive took shelter in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London about six years ago. (To those of you who scold millenials for living in their parents’ basement, please consider that a 47-year-old man is about to be kicked out of a foreign embassy for refusing to clean up after his cat. Just saying.)

Among the embassy’s new house rules are that Assange must pay for his laundry, wifi, and yes, take better care of his cat. Which is allowed to run freely around the diplomatic mission. You know, typical international relations stuff.

Assange sued – a totally rational action against a country that’s essentially preventing your arrest – and lost. Big surprise. I admit I don’t have a working knowledge of Ecuador’s criminal justice system; nevertheless, I applaud Judge Martínez for her courage in forcing this rogue mastermind to. . . clean his bathroom.

We’re all in agreement that this guy is crazy. His cat has a twitter account! But maybe Assange’s behavior isn’t quite as far over the line as we think. Hear me out:

1. He refused to clean his room.

Look, I don’t even do that most of the time. We shouldn’t fault Assange too much; however, I live with my parents and he lives with Ecuadorian government.

2. He refused to look after his cat.

Does the cat even care? Not to overgeneralize, but I’ve met some pretty unpleasant cats. To them, we’re just scratch-resistant servants who control their food supply.

3. His cat, though not a service animal, spends its days walking around the embassy, despite being neither a diplomat nor a human.

No comment.

4. Ecuador plans to shut off Assange’s internet access.

WHAT!? I take back everything I said before. Call the Hague; I’m pretty sure this is the biggest human rights abuse in the international community. Oh wait, war crimes are still a thing? I stand corrected.

In conclusion, Assange is  wrong. But at least his lack of basic adult skills isn’t hurting anyone. . .except for the Ecuadorian taxpayers being forced to fund his living quarters.

Mr. Assange, please get your act together.

Precluding all else, your cat might appreciate it.

https://www.cnn.com/2018/10/31/uk/julian-assange-what-next-intl/index.html