I am currently writing this in Mexico.

I tried to tell them that I was actually Korean, not Mexican, but they didn’t listen. They did not care. I was not white with blonde hair and blue eyes. I was stealing their jobs while relying on the government. I had no choice but to be deported to make America great again. I understand.

At first, the people responded well to President Trump’s radical yet sensational international actions. Trump did not hesitate to send the American troops into Syria in the name of Jesus Christ. He deemed the initial 400 Americans sent to train Syrian rebels against their government nowhere near enough, so he increased the number of troops to 40,000, while carpet bombing any country that ends with “stan.” Turns out that sand cannot glow in the dark, but we damn sure tried. Also, he just could not help but to show off the great American military, so he used his first executive order to announce that all military vehicles will now be made of gold, and that the funds will be provided by himself. As he called for the American people to join him in a brawl against the evil Muslims who are fighting each other and, as Sarah Palin would say, “yelling ‘Allahu Akbar’ and calling Jihad on each other’s heads,” the crowd screamed out hallelujah and demanded that we “go kick ISIS’s ass.”

Strangely, the relationship with Mexico has been greatly strained. After negotiating a deal where the Mexican government pays for three-fifths of the wall (now famously known as the Three-Fifths Compromise II), all seems to be well. They even placed the last piece of the wall, a big, fat, beautiful door, in place right in the middle of the wall. This was supposed to signal a newfound relationship with our neighbors from the South. It was supposed to be a moment when we forget about all the awful things we have done to Mexico in the past three hundred years. The problem arose when we deported all non-citizens back to Mexico.

For some reason, the government did not seem to be too happy to have its people come back – maybe because not all of them were Mexicans…but that’s not the point. The real issue is that ever since the deportation of all the immigrants, the Great American economy has stumbled. They have now found out that immigrants and U.S. citizens do not, in fact, compete for the same jobs, and therefore the immigrants did not steal any jobs away from the Americans. You would think the fact that nearly one-third of the immigrant workers right now do not have a high school diploma would give the people indication of what kind of jobs they “steal,” but the Trumpeters were too busy screaming “Go Home Immigrants” to notice that.

Donald Trump’s perhaps most detailed pre-election position was his tax plan. He promised rapid economic growth and tax relief by cutting the top tax rate from 39.6% to 25%. The problem? It would reduce the federal tax revenue by $11.98 trillion. But don’t you worry, because the United States of America has experienced an 11% increase in GDP, a 6.5% increase in wages, and 5.3 million new jobs, just like how Trump planned it. His plan only reduced the revenue by $10.14 trillion. It was just kind of ironic that the man who promised to erase America’s debt now has given America more debt in two years than former president Obama had in seven years. Remember him? That Kenyan-Hawaiian-Muslim guy who drove this country to the ground until our lord and savior Donald J. Trump came to make America great again? Yup. Doesn’t look too bad now, does he?

Speaking of Obama, Trump was determined to separate himself from his predecessor, and basically dismantled any and all of the 184 executive orders that Republicans were so infuriated by. They claimed that big government was coming to get them and they needed a small government that will let Congress do its job, like during the Bush era when there were only 291 executive orders. However, perhaps the biggest change set forward by the former real estate billionaire is the disassembling of Obamacare, which incidentally did not affect the Affordable Care Act. In perhaps one of the strangest moments in Supreme Court history, Trump has successfully negotiated a deal where John Roberts declared the Obamacare and the ACA as two different acts. While it was a brilliant strategy for Trump to disassociate himself from the Democratic Demon, it did not exactly make his own Republican party too happy.

While causing a storm of controversies, Trump has also done some great things for America. The Apprentice: DC Edition has become a brand new hit series on FOX. Watching each and every cabinet member being screamed at by the President of the United States on live TV with millions and billions of Trumpeters looking on was quite a bonding moment for the government and the country as a whole. But America did not have time to cheer for the dismissal of too many cabinet memebrs, as the President quickly appointed Dennis Rodman as the new Secretary of State. While people were skeptical of the former-NBA star joining the political scene for the first time, the rapidly improving relationship with North Korea has turned many people’s heads. When Trump managed to negotiate a deal where North Korea only uses their nuclear weapons on countries with names that ends with “stan,” that was when the sand finally started to glow.

Trump’s lack of environmental regulation also has drawn tons of criticism. He has kept his promise to cut funds for the EPA, and eventually destroyed the organization as a whole. His main reason? He claimed that water regulations prevented him from washing his hair “properly.” Who could have blamed him? I don’t know what kind of hair gel or spray or whatever he uses, but those are some strong hair strands. He also famously dismissed climate change, saying that “people in the 1920s thought the Earth was cooling, now it’s global warming.” He has turned the American people against the Chinese by blaming global warming solely on the Asian giant, who responded to the statement with a voice clip of Xi Jinping reading the news and laughing hysterically, as China continues to fight the red alert.

So after two years of Donald J. Trump, the great United States of America grew tired of him. While he started very hot and initially won over the crowd, Americans have smartened up and realized that they need a real, practical leader, not a racist, sexist bigot. With his untraditional, un-Republican ways, the Congress has finally placed the stamp of disapproval on the billionaire, impeaching him at last. On his final day in office, Trump sparked his last controversy in the political scene by airing the final episode of the Apprentice: DC edition with him looking in the mirror and uttering the same words that broke many people’s heart for years: “you’re fired.” The next day, Americans gave a warm welcome to the 46th and first female president of the United States, Sarah Palin.