Well North Penn, though for the last three weeks many of us, including yours truly, have been dreading the endless hours of testing days – so endless, that if you only had three hours to live you would sit through an AP statistics exam just because it felt like an eternity – I’ve noticed something particularly interesting about our finer institution of generally average learning. We are absolutely subpar in our abilities to effectively waste time. Now, I know what you’re all thinking: no one can effectively waste anything, less it become ineffective. I promise, friends, it makes sense if you don’t think about it too hard. Just let me explain.

See, in the real world, wasting time is an extremely important skill to have. There is a certain beauty in maintaining an aura of diligence when in actuality you’re getting about as much done as a potato. (Somehow the potato has become the starch almost everyone can relate to. Don’t ask me to understand it, I just spud out what my peer give me.) For example, I’ve been sitting at my computer for two hours with three different windows open, typing away. I look like the world’s best multitasker, when really I have the world’s worst attention span. Feel free to ask my mom, or my sister, or my sister’s friend, or my sister’s friend’s cousin, or my sister’s friend’s cousin’s goldfish… Where was I? Oh right, the futility of schooling in May.

Nobody is here, North Penn! Classes of thirty have taken some serious hits during testing days, sinking into the teens for attendance, but the last thing anyone wants is a study hall. So arises the natural question of how to entertain while actually accomplishing nothing. Movies are an excellent choice, but there shouldn’t be a worksheet that must be filled out while watching. Two things will come of that, neither of them good. One, students will be so focused on the worksheet that they’ll completely miss that concept of relaxing after testing. Two, that worksheet will stay blank until June 9th when it’s burned with the rest of the unmarked worksheets in the annual schoolwork bonfire. The key to having students pay just enough attention is to give them something to do after the movie is over, like make their own version. It’s fun, is “academic,” and at the very least, more sentimental than half completed algebra homework.

I was about to give North Penn some major props for organizing an actual concert with a real live famous person while Keystones were happening. Snapchat stories made it look like an amazing time, and don’t get me wrong, it totally was. Rozes was fantastic… for about forty-five minutes. What was not fantastic was being trapped in the auditorium for an extra hour following that to watch something kids have either seen in person or online already. It was kind of a bummer, and I had flashes of feeling like Arnold from the Magic School Bus in the sense that I knew I should’ve stayed home today. To be fair, that is probably the closest I’ll ever get to an actual famous person. You know, until I become one myself…

We did get something right though. These twenty-eight minute classes are the perfect length for a “let’s not, but say we did” kind of mentality, which is where I’ve been residing since April anyway. But good luck to everyone buckling down for testing in these final days. If anyone deserves a good chunk of time to sit back and relax, it’s you guys. We’ve worked hard all year, and now is where it pays off. Hang in there, North Penn, and I’ll see you next week!