First of all, North Penn, I’d just like to take a moment to say I’m proud to share this space with two award winning Knight Crier writers who also just also happen to be a stellar pair of editors. Madi and Steph, I’m giving credit where credit is due – congratulations on being recognized for the awesomeness the rest of us already see. You earned it!

But this Korner has not earned its “unrecognition” for being nice. I say unrecognition because unfortunately your one and only favorite Korner – where you go every Tuesday for the straight truth on all things rad, bad, and downright sad – came up a little short for the Keystone Press big wigs. I’m as shocked as the rest of you, North Penn, believe me, and I’ll sign the petition for a recount between the Korner and the Kolumn as soon as it crosses my desk in K24. But I know as well as the rest of you that it’s impossible to win them all. It’s how you handle the results that determine true winners.

So I think it’s pretty safe to say that I am a sore loser, or else the Korner would’ve been on something silly this week, like Leo DiCaprio’s first Oscar (but I’ll wait until the news breaks that his name was read by accident. Why ruin the streak of near successes now, Hollywood? It was his claim to fame!)

Luckily I am both ungracious and incredibly amused, a combination that bodes well for entertainment, I think, and sore losers really don’t get enough credit for their contributions. In fact, the world is out to get them since birth, so it makes sense for them to be so mopey. From birth we’re taught to respect the winners and learn from the losers because nobody likes the guy on left-bench who vocally thinks he’s the real superstar.

But it’s different when you’re the actual superstar, surrounded by such abundant mediocrity that no one really notices you’re diamond in the rough. Never fear, you victims of bad calls and poor judgment – I know it wasn’t your fault. And the rest of the world ought to know what great opportunities and people they’ve missed out on, so I’ve compiled a list, to make our grievances known:

The Winner’s Guide to Being the Ultimate Loser
1. Get in their faces. Be loud and proud about your abilities, or lack thereof, because sometimes you need to be your own cheerleader.

2. When the going gets tough, just stop going. You didn’t sign up to get dragged through the mud, so take a shower and shortcut then meet everyone else at the finish line. Who cares how you got there? You don’t need to, that’s for sure.

3. Look for that participation award. You showed up, didn’t you? If nobody understands how #blessed they are to be in your presence, and what’s more, to compete against you, the least they could do is recognize how well you saw, you came, and wished you had been sleeping.

4. Don’t whine about it. You can complain as loudly and as often as you want about your misfortunes to other people – some things in life just don’t deserve a label. You’re welcome.

So while everyone may strive to be winners here at North Penn, the fact of the matter is that if you’re not a winner, you’re most definitely a loser. Last place is nowhere near first place, despite what your mother assures you, though we appreciate the effort. But being the loser doesn’t always mean that you’ve lost. After all, people expect more from winners, so the rest of you can sit back, relax, and keep the Korner #1 on your reading list.