TOWAMENCIN – Just days after the new North Penn High School Auditorium carpet won an Oscar for the best high school carpet, a stain was found sparking outrage throughout the district.

Despite all efforts to make the new auditorium carpet last until 2037, the stain, located near the front of the stage, is massive and unsightly. The stain was discovered during the weekly carpet massaging and grooming. After questioning the theatre and the music departments, investigators reviewed security footage from Tuesday to determine potential causes of the incident. Analysis of the security camera footage revealed surprising information. The security camera caught one of North Penn’s very own, Mr. Kyle Berger, wandering around the front of the auditorium with a venti Starbucks in his hand. Suspiciously, the next five minutes of the tape are missing, and when the footage returns, Berger is nowhere to be seen but the stain is evident on the carpet.

Many think that this is an inside job due to the missing security footage and Berger’s expertise in NPTV tape editing. In an interview, Berger denied that he knew anything about the carpet stain. Sources close to the investigation have disclosed that Berger is known to live across from a Starbucks and has a gold card membership. Efforts to recover the missing five minutes of tape are underway as Berger continues to be questioned.

Back at the scene, the auditorium has been blocked off and the carpet quarantined while a cleanup plan is being developed. If the stain cannot be removed, Berger will have to stand on the stain for a period of 3 hours each day in line with prior punishments outlined in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. To prevent further stains, plans are also underway to treat the carpet with 25,000 gallons of a stain blocking additive and then cover the carpet with clear plastic which will remain permanently in place. Additionally, new rules will go into effect including that all shoes will have to be removed before entering the Auditorium. When asked about the new rules, Principal Burton T. Hynes replied “we’ve got to make this carpet last 24 years until 2037 – so much has already gone into this carpet that we cannot afford the physical and emotional trauma of having the carpet stained again.”

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