Social studies teacher Mr. Brian Haley announces run for president

Steph Krane

Haley sighs while expressing his feelings about his opponents in the presidential race.

TOWAMENCIN- The American Presidential election will most likely go down in history as one of the most troubling and tumultuous the country has ever experienced, and that’s no joke.

We as a country are offered a myriad of off-kilter candidates including a ‘Can-Do-No-Wrong’ businessman who has joked about killing people in the streets not even being able to pop the support he is currently floating on. From the GOP’s competition, we are offered a self-avowed Democratic Socialist and a woman who is currently under FBI investigation. The voters simply can’t go wrong.

But refusing to stand by and make the decision between Presidential poison or the Federal firing squad, is a man that has had enough. An American citizen that has both witnessed the beauty of politics in organizing North Penn’s 2016 mock convention, (which went off without a hitch) and has seen the effects of poorly executed Democracy in the way the nation elected (and somehow re-elected) President George W. Bush. This man, is North Penn High School’s very own Mr. Brian J. Haley, and he has made the decision to enter the 2016 Presidential circus with the hopes of bringing order to the otherwise political apocalypse.

“Every day, I talk to my government students about the presidential race,” said Haley. “It became clear that the students were not satisfied with their choices. One day, one of my second period government students asked me, ‘Mr. Haley, why don’t you run for president?’ So I got 250,000 signatures and filed my papers that same day.”

Haley will be entering the race as an independent, not with the hopes of pulling voters from Trump or Clinton, but with the intention of winning. The North Penn teacher is clearly more versed in the world of American government, having taught the subject for 17 years, placing his level of experience and qualification well above that of Donald Trump.

His time at the high school will indubitably earn him the ability to wrestle some of the youth vote from big, bad Bernie Sanders. And working in a diverse setting such as North Penn, an environment that could be described as a microcosm for America, has given him the ability to make legislature that is more than likely to be inclusive of all those who reside in the melting pot.

With the announcement of his candidacy in this presidential race, many may wonder ‘how is this going to affect the classes taught by this teacher?’, and the answer is: only for the better. Instead of the students learning about the contents of American Immigration legislation that is unlikely to be retained by majority of the students under the watchful eye of this great teacher, the students (students that have the ability to actually participate in the election) are exposed to a once-in-a-lifetime educational experience that may be far more valuable than your average, every-day U.S. Government class, not to, of course, diminish the value currently in the Government courses offered at the school.

There will soon be a fundraiser to help fund Mr. Brian Haley’s presidential campaign and it urgent that all who can participate in the Pennsylvania primary on April 26th provide support for our teacher, our candidate, and the 45th President of the United States of America.