Just think about all the people inside our building during the day. Teachers, A LOT of students, little kids, sometimes even elderly people. It’s scary how many types of contagious illness you can catch, especially since most of the windows in our school don’t even open. Sure it’s nice to stay home if you are sick, but if you have drill sergeant parents that march you to school in any condition you’re in, no one wants to be that kid in the back of the classroom awkwardly coughing every two seconds while the teacher pauses because he/she cannot be heard over you. This epic battle against (basically) inevitable sickness separates the champions from the wimps, and for those who win against this fight  – their reward is not only the satisfaction that their immune system is superior, but that they won’t have to make up giant pile of work that mounts during an absence.

There are a few ways to ensure your success in your all out brawl with germs:

1.)    We all have that one friend who gets sick all the time. When that friend or anyone else is sick avoid… them,  AT ALL COSTS. Example: If your gym partner is coughing everywhere, scream, loudly so everyone else knows this person is a threat to their happiness, and run extremely fast away. This will eventually be a plus because your gym teacher will see your super fast running skills, will think you are participating, and give you a better grade. Also if you see anyone with a cold, forcibly put a hot pepper in their mouth and advice them to eat it, because really spicy food clears your sinuses. Even if avoiding all sickly people makes you really lonely, this gives you a chance to make new healthy friends. But if you still miss your old friends, you can always facetime them if you forget what they look like.

2.)    Make hand sanitizer your new best friend. Constantly sanitizing your hands will eliminate germs and will be like your shield from the horror of feeling awful. You can buy tons great smelling sanitizers if you detest the signature Purell smell. And if you ever run out of hand sanitizer, your battle will get very interesting. Every time you touch something you must immediately run to the bathroom and scrub you’re hands. Ex: type on a key board RUN to the bathroom, shake someone’s hand RUN to the bathroom. Teachers may start to think you have a serious bladder problem, but in the end it’s all worth it.

3.)    To unsure the weather doesn’t screw up your plan, find the biggest coat possible and wear it all the time. The bigger the better; if you look like a giant marshmallow… you’re doing it right. Even though the weather in the pods differs significantly, almost like walking from the Sahara Desert into the Arctic, the coat will preserve your heat in a really hot room so when you walk into a cold room you don’t feel the cold. And if you’re sweating through all of your layers, that just means all the toxins are leaving your body; think of your coat like a sauna.

If you approach winter life carefully and follow these steps to ensure you will not be sick coughing at home, you can actually be out, living your life. You may have to sacrifice friends, have very dry hands, and be mocked for having heat strokes at 17 because you refuse to take off your coat, but you will no longer have to deal with sickness ever again.

WARNING: Results may vary.