Wake up five minutes before you are picked up by your licensed neighbor who actually has both a car and a parking spot, sleep through the first half of the day, wake up for lunch, and then sleep some more until that sweet 2:22 bell chimes: Senior Year.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention, in between all that sleeping, you should probably pay some attention to that “blah blah blah” your teacher is spouting at you, or else you will fail. No big deal, right? Colleges won’t look at your grades; you’re a senior for Heaven’s sake! Wrong. Keep your grades up; they’re watching you. But don’t forget about the sleeping part, it’s a senior rite of passage.

One more thing you should probably keep in mind: colleges don’t choose you, you have to choose the college. Don’t forget to also consider the surroundings of the college and the academics, although Greek life and Friday night parties are crucial considerations as well. It’s not that difficult, I mean there are only thousands of institutions, most of which will indebt you until it’s just about time for a midlife crisis, at which point you’ll likely throw any financial security out the window of your new Corvette. How else would you prove to everyone that your Ivy League education got you somewhere?

After you’ve narrowed down your list from 500 to 5, apply. No, you most likely cannot just fill out the Common Application for all of them. Yes, you will have to write more than one essay. But that’s okay, right? You’re not doing any essay writing or strenuous work in school, right? Wrong again, you have a lot to learn, my friend. Your teachers do not care that you have other things to do and a social experiences to be had. They want you so badly to become a hermit; it is written in their contract that they must try their hardest to make this dream a reality.

Yet, there is a light here, somewhere. Those who have graduated look back on senior year fondly, partially because their experiences at Prom and at Senior Week have erased their memories of the first semester, leaving only the happy times of being a second semester senior fresh in their brains. Plus, procrastination and sheer laziness now can be diagnosed a serious disease: senioritis. No longer will teachers scold you for not doing your homework, but write you a pass to the nurse with nothing but sympathy for your poor, poor soul.

So, if you sleep a lot, and do work, and make life-changing decisions successfully in the first semester, you will enjoy the fruits of your labor in the second semester. Well, if you overlook the fact that you still have to rise before the sun and juggle 50 million different things. But hey, if you’ve read this entire article, all 497 words of it, I’d say you’ve pretty good chance of survival.

Have a great senior year everyone!